Category Archives: Mind Constructs / Self Forgiveness / Self Corrections

Adjusting My Approach To Self Change

I noticed a point within myself today as I was reading an article/document that Sunette had posted  – http://desteni.co.za/intro-forum/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=1631&p=7922#p7922 about “Self Change”.

The article was looking at the point of Change from the perspective of “Material Change” and how one attempt to change and define change within and through change in ones environment as a result of /directly related to money where one would in a way “Buy” change.

So the point that came up within me is the point of how I often immediately go to the point of money as an indication of my self change, or how I have changed, or how to change. I understand that I cannot simply just change from an external perspective but that actual change must be actual change, as a change that is both internal and external. I am also aware of the Process of doing this from the perspective of what is required to assist and support self with internal self change and also how to actually bring this/walk this live this into ones physical reality so that the change exist both internally and externally as an actual manifested change of as self completely.

I will also say that at the moment I am still in the process of Learning how to in fact do this, though I am aware of different aspects of how this works and have also been involved in actually doing this for myself for the last 4 years, though I realize I am still developing and understanding the basic fundamental points of this process in terms of how to actually apply and live this as myself.

So the point I noticed within me today is that I was tending to go more to an “out-there” approach to change a little quickly in by simply for example looking at “how can I make lots of money” as then this being an indication (if I could do this) that I have changed. I see that I was “jumping a bit” And I see that I must actually assist and support myself to effectively establish this point of self change in writing first, where in I actually explore much more thoroughly my inner reality of self because in a way I see that I was trying to change my external reality without actually walking the internal networks and constructs existent inside of me that are still operating, functioning, controlling and directing myself and my experience and my world. So yes basically seeing the vastness of my inner reality that I was not “taking on” so to speak, and thus require to direct myself within taking on my “internal reality” more specifically and thoroughly so as to “balance out” my application of attempting to change me.

So just a point I noticed, realized today in reading sunettes article that I thought Id share.

So to place it simplistically in the words of a cave man…

Me write more.

 

To learn more about the tools of  Writing, Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application visit

desteni.co.za

or

desteniiprocess.com

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Self Forgiveness on “Submissiveness in The Work Force.”

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate in the moment when “talking about snow removal” came up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear mentioning the “snow removal point” to “X”, because I had formed a belief within myself that initially he was not going to do it, and then eventually that I would end up doing it with “Y” or someone else, where in my mind I created an idea that “I would not like it” and that I was “just ‘X’s’s  slave” and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create elaborate and complex ideas within my mind that are NOT the case, instead of simply communicating to ‘X’ or communicating in general rather than forming ideas within my own mind.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating about snow removal with ‘X’.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form an idea about “how I am supposed to communicate about business with ‘X’”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear communicating about Business with ‘X’, and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form an idea about “how to communicate about business” and within this actually fear communicating about business due to the fear I created around the idea I formed about this, particularly when it comes to discussing or communicating about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not very good at communicating about money or dealing with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a “passive role” when it comes to business and money where in I actually place myself within a submissive point and “wait for things to happen”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself within a submissive position within business due to believing that I am inferior in the point of business and also in the point of money and generating money, and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am inferior when it comes to dealing with money and making business transactions in relation to money, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “play the role” of someone where in I actually “act out” my belief of myself as bad with money, through how I participate in conversations around this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back when it comes to communicating about money and business and making important decisions, due to my belief that “I would just get in the way” and that I am doing everyone a favour by “keeping quiet” and “Keeping Submissive”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not communicating to Jason about doing snow removal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I were to communicate about the point of snow removal with Jason that I would in fact inhibit the point or somehow “make it worse”

I forgive myself for not trusting myself within communicating effectively about business and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand back within my environment due to my accepted and allowed belief that others know better and that I would learn more if I keep quite, observe, and be patient.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain submissive within my environment because I do not know how my actions would reverberate within my world and affect my immediate environment or how people would respond to me, and thus rather than actually test this as  a point of assisting and supporting myself to break my pre-programmed design as submissiveness, I simply remained within my pre-programming as submissive because “I know how people will respond” and thus I can in a way Trust this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “fall-back” on my pre-programming to direct my life for me instead of ME taking responsibility for myself within this world and actually directing myself to become effective within this reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in nervousness when communicating about snow removal with ‘X’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear working with ‘X’ in the winter due to the Idea that I formed about “How ‘X’ Does Business” and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have assumed how Jason does business, or come to a conclusion within myself how ‘X’does business, and within this resist speaking with Jason about business due to not wanting to face this Idea that I have created about how he does business and within this never actually “break the ice”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to speak about business is rude.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a mistake about speaking or communicating about business due to fear of losing the presentation of myself that I am attempting to project which is “the suave businessman” and so thus never actually engage in Business Discussions due to the fear of the truth of me being revealed in that “I am not so certain and confident and strong within business” that I would like to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must lie to be a good business man

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that communicating about specific details with regards to price and other plans is “not my business” and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the “apparent rules of business” even within this being a point that does NOT support me to become a more effective business man within this world, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ruffling other peoples feathers and allow this to influence me within my moment to moment interaction / participation as a Businessman within this world.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jason would take advantage of me if I were to “work for him” during the winter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back communicating about my price range to ‘X’ because then he would see that there is not a business opportunity to be had and thus would be “let down” and so I held back communicating about the specifics due to “not wanting to make him feel bad within himself”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “I must have it all figured out” and so within this do not communicate “In the moment” about business as I want to have a script and a plan first, and thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within believing that I must know what to say, so that I can influence people so that my business will be successful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I must “influence” people through manipulating them through how I communicate and interact with them, so that my business will be successful, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “stick to this methodology” instead of being more open and communicative with beings about business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must “stay under Jason’s wing”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Jason is more effective than me within this world where in I do not give myself much credit at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and define myself as “X’s employee” where in I, in a way “give up my directive principle” within the point of business and abdicate this to Jason, instead of standing Here Equal to ‘X’, and no more accepting and allowing myself to be Dependant on ‘X’, but that I Stand Here Equal to ‘X’.

I forgive myself for not standing Equal to ‘X’ from the perspective of realizing that I am being Just like him, and we are both in this system, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit how much money I am able to make to “the skills I have” where in I have formed an IDEA about how much money I am able to make based on my current skill set, instead of simply letting this go and pushing the point of effective money generation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “take-shit” from ‘Z’ due to believing that he and ‘X’ were “Old Friends” and that I must “take my place” within the pecking order.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “play by the rules” of my accepted and allowed programming of “how I see things should work” where in I will take a submissive role to other employees who are older than me, and believe it is more my place to do what others say, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this current system to simply play-out as it always has, and also my world to remain as it always has through by “playing by the rules”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “Hold Myself Back” instead of pushing myself full force to become a force within this world and this system, and become a force to be reckoned with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “play by the rules” of energy as emotions and feelings, where in I stick to the rules of energy as emotions and feelings particularly within the work place, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply always exist in a position to “take orders” instead of taking Directive Point on things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just “do what I am told” and “do the minimum” within the belief that “there is nothing I can do” and so what is the point of pushing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as incapable of being an effective businessman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as polarity relationships as Boss who is God and has all the power and employee who is slave and has no power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply accept this pattern as who I am instead of breaking through this pattern and no more accepting and allowing myself to define myself and believe myself to be who I am as has been created through and as this pattern, because how do I really know who I am if I have always stood in a position of slavery and not had the opportunity to apply myself equally within the workplace.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be good at landscaping in order to be successful within it, and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress other skills I have such as communication and creativity to name 2 , instead of using ALL of myself within and as self direction where in I expand me within my creative business enterprises.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my ability to learn and expand to the skills that I have already acquired and what I have already done,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a boss who sees his employees as “less than” and within this not ever see them as anything other than slaves to keep my business going.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a boss who keeps his employees hostage because I am afraid of one or some of them challenging me within my position and thus never actually give them an opportunity of self empowerment to stand and function equal to and one with me within my ability and effectiveness. This all is a point of Jealousy and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed with Jealousy towards those who I work with and due to this jealousy of them perhaps being better than me, I keep them in a disempowered position so that I can remain in power as made possible through and how the system is set up and function.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing business with an open deck out of fear of being manipulated or swindled out of money. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never help anyone due to believing that I will just get scammed. And as a result of this idea/belief I hold my cards very close to my cheast.

DIP Report: The HERE of the PAST – Doing Mind Constructs

I am going to communicate about an aspect of the Desteni I Process  course that came up today in relation to someone reminding me that one is to “always bring the point back to self”
I have just finished with doing the Mind Construct Phase of in SRA2. This consist of doing Mind Constructs on influential people in ones world. I found within doing this that the “points” always seemed “so far away” this point of the “points” seeming “so far away” was something that came up consistently as I walked through this Mind Construct phase. As I walked this Phase I pushed myself to not accept or allow this to be an excuse/reason/justification to not do the mind constructs but rather to simply keep pushing myself to move the point and not accept this as a valid reason to stop. I remember this point coming up and that I recognized this as an excuse and so when ever it came up I would not “go into it” but rather direct me to continue on (don’t get me wrong – sometimes I had to really push and breath as I would want to give up within this excuse of the points are to far away)
So when this point came up today in Chat, It came in relation to me mentioning that “it would be cool to do Mind Constructs on current points” Though within my mentioning this I was still participating within this aspect of my Mind Construct Experience of the points being “far away” and so wanted a more current experience so that I would not have to “go back into the past” so to speak.
And it was at this point that the reminder came forth that “All the points are here anyway” or something like this, to which I agreed and then in that moment realized a point about this whole experience I had while doing mind constructs and why at times this experience would emerge where “everything seemed so far away” This, coming up due to the fact of doing Mind Constructs on Individuals that were a large part of my life but are not necessarily a part of my life now.
Though this was in essence what I realized – that these people ARE actually still part of my life now! Because through my participation with them I created particular habits that I am in fact still living out, day in and day out, now, here in my life. Even though these certain influential people may be long gone and not in my life any more. They are in fact still in my life as the patterns I still continue to live out in my day to day life that were created in relation to/with these particular beings who I for instance at one time lived closely with and with whom I established, designed, created, embedded particular behaviors and patterns in relation to.
So the point that came up which is a point I can “flagpoint” is when ever I am doing a Mind Construct on someone from the past, to, rather than focus all my attention back there on the past, instead “bring the point here” meaning look and investigate where I am Still Living these EXACT patterns now in my life, that come up and reveal themselves within exploring such past relationships within doing mind constructs.
So I will now take this point into consideration when ever I go “investigating the past” where I look and See, where in my world now am I still living out these same points/ behaviors/patterns

To find out more about the Desteni I Process Please Visit : http://desteniiprocess.com/

Back Pains Within Applying Self Forgiveness

Back Pains Within Applying Self Forgiveness within doing Mind Constructs

A prominent point with regards to my experience at the moment.

I have been seeing this experience/point come up quite consistently now for the last 3 to 5 months. I see that I have always had this ‘point’ though have not experienced it in the same way meaning I experience this point differently now then how I used to experience it yet I still see it as the same point. I will start with my current experience.

This point came up quite prominently today. And I find it becomes more pronounced specifically when doing Self Forgiveness on the mind constructs. This does not come up in the same way while say for instance doing the mind construct layout. But rather while doing the self forgiveness stage when writing out self forgiveness. The point I am referring to is Pain in my Back.

It emerges as quite a sharp and pronounced pain more towards the (upper)centre of my back. It is like a tightness, and a strain.

This also comes out when I push myself more.

I relate the point to haste, as I find I have not yet arrived at a point where I am actually calm as I direct myself through tasks but rather experience me as rushed, or having to get through points quickly in order to get that which I require to get done each day. From this perspective there is fear of not getting anything /everything done, which is also like a fear of falling behind. So as I walk through my day working on tasks this pain emerges and becomes my entire back. Its actually quite a fascinating experience as the pain acts as a kind of guide, particularly when/while doing self forgiveness where in now it is getting to the stage that the pain begin to emerge as soon as I “go into my mind” from the perspective of doing self forgiveness from the perspective of knowledge and information. This is how I see it. So when my forgiveness is not “real” the pain emerge within my back, and if I continue within that vein the pain compound very quickly and as I mentioned will begin immediately as soon as I start to rush the forgiveness or simply am “doing forgiveness” and not actually releasing anything. This will also move into a headache quite quickly also though I experience the point moving from beginning where it emerge in the back then into a headache.

So it is quite cool from the perspective of my physical body indicating to me that I am actually “missing the point” and so from this perspective is supporting me to look deeper so to speak and actually bring myself to a point of where I am in fact doing self forgiveness for real. I mean this is showing that I am making progress even though I may not yet be effective with Self Forgiveness, at least now I am seeing this and realizing when there is pain, which at this stage comes up 90% of the time, indicating that I require to “look deeper” or re-adjust how I am applying the forgiveness/myself

At this stage I have just pushed the point, meaning when there is pain, I, rather than stop, simply push myself to continue . I am testing whether the pain is something that I must push ‘through’ though I have found that I cannot really push through it but rather that I am creating it. And sometimes the harder I push, the more I create the pain. So then must stop.

As mentioned it comes out most prominently while doing Self Forgiveness on my mind constructs but also now is quite “active” in my day to day activities. Sometimes there is noo pain, but mostly every move/decision I make, the pain emerge in some degree or another, and in some cases accumulate more and more until it is extensive pain, pressure and tension in my whole back and then also moving into my head as a headache, though I am seeing (In some instances) that I am creating the pain every step of the way but have not yet been effective in diffusing it.

I am using it as a guide and see that it is not something I require to diffuse necessarily but direct and apply myself in a way where I do not build the pain up in the first place, because this is the point, I am creating it. Though at times it seems to also just sit in my back, like hovering there, I see it, but not able to release it, and also because I am busy in my day that as I move from one point to the next it kind of keep the pain activated, so my very movement in my day activate the pain.

I experience it as an inability to relax. It is less when I have money coming in, where in if I do not have money coming it simply add extra pressure.

I have also looked at it in relation to the Self Forgiveness point from the perspective of the SF being a Burden in that the size and scale of the amount of SF to do becomes a weight in itself. This also correlates to why I would then experience this same pain during my day to day, as with this there is a point where I see what I have to do as “allot” and exist within a “must get everything done” and no matter how much I push, find that I never get to a point where I am just here and able to direct myself where I am actually calm and patient.

In this I RUSH, and have not yet found Why I rush, though have looked at this point because this pain has now been here for quite some time. Like a continuous tension in my mid and upper shoulders back. A constant anxiety as fear as panic of sorts, though strange because I see when the point is here, and realize – Ok, here is the point again, so breath, relax, and direct, yet even within that the pain continue, so I am seeing the point but not yet able to effectively direct it or even stabilize it, but still it is existing within a point of “accumulation” indicating that I have not yet found even the stabilizing point of the pain, let alone to release the point all together. This come through in my writing allot as there is a tendency to rush, and also within this a frustration that I am not effective at this yet, So this point of inner frustration seems also an aspect of the pain sitting in my back. Its like I feel like I am not able to stop, and breath and be here, like there is this constant pressure to move , that I MUST move. From this starting point, I am not deliberate or specific in my application, but only running and speeding through everything, and in this missing it all of it. Thus I must take a look at my starting point and investigate why I direct myself, and from what starting point. Its like I see how I want to be directing myself – I want to be directing myself Here, stable, calm, deliberate, directing each point specifically and really getting specific with every breath and developing my self specificity. So I see that yes, I want this, though still working on getting to this point.

Take my time, and start from the beginning: Applying Self Forgiveness on Mind Constructs.

Take my time, and start from the beginning: Applying Self Forgiveness on Mind Constructs.

So I am busy with the “Mind Construct” portion of SRA, and just going to mention a point that came up today. I was starting into the Self Forgiveness portion of the mind construct and I was experiencing it as if I could just not get a handle on the Self Forgiveness. I experienced the whole thing (mind construct) as being “out there” still and seemed so far away, like I could not get a hold of it and really get “in there” and start forgiving and letting go of points. I though this might have to do with maybe I simply am clear on the particular memory I worked with. But I could not ignore this experience I was having that “I was missing something” where the forgiveness just seemed empty, monotonous, and dead, like I was just repeating knowledge and information.

I have tested a few different ways of writing Self Forgiveness with regards to Mind Constructs from going line by line of the construct to doing it in sections and have not yet found a certain method that works every time. So my experience this morning was that I was a bit lost and not really getting a grasp on any points.

I worked through a few points and still experienced myself as if “something was not there” I then got “fed up” and decided to go back to the beginning where I started and simply now for real apply Self Forgiveness on each line, and make sure I am not skipping through points, as earlier I was grouping sections together then applying the Self Forgiveness on the entire section. I thought that I had everything covered but was quite cool to see that when I went back to the beginning and decided I would “do every point” that I came across a point, which was the very first on that I had skipped over and not considered as valid, and as I started with this point I found that my experience of myself within the Self Forgiveness was actually now valid, like I was “on a point”

So I am going to continue in this fashion and walk through each segment of my mind construct slowly and more thoroughly now moving on a line by line basis instead of section by section. This way also I can be comfortable within myself that I did not skip over anything and that then this will not be lingering in the back of my mind as I ‘attempt’ to move through the mind construct.

Ok so there is my introduction to this Blog where I will share my experiences within walking the Desteni I Process, where I share my experience of me actually “using the product”

Enjoy

Andrew.